“Bing, Bang, Boom! Smack, Splat, Thwack, Crack! Crumple, Crackle, Thwackle, Thud!”
“Zing, Zang, Boing, Bounce, Splash, Ding, Brack!”
An episode of Batman, or sounds echoing through the giant hull, ricocheting and shaking the seats at Met Life Stadium in the Meadowlands?
This is my second Wrestlemania event. The first was New Orleans last year. Nothing beats Bourbon Street, the Black Cat, some Dixie swing, and a bunch of savages descending on the Big Easy, chopping up legs, lips, and larynx to the tune of Meshhugah’s double kick drum, furiously pounding out thrashing rounds of 16th notes. “Th Th Th Th Th Th Th Th Thud, crack!” I’ll have a lil ole that with my beignet, good sir.
From the Big Easy to the Big Apple, Wrestlemania 35! I’ve been hyped since I saw Cindy Lauper bopping around with Captain Lou Albano, the rubber band man, the Italian Mario, Luigi, “shut-ay-up-a-palease” before you get mouth thwacked from a gorilla chest with a coat’s worth of chest hair! I couldn’t tell if his cheek was pierced with a rubber band, or if it was glued on…whatever it was, he had that cutting edge body modification down in the early 80’s! He was a big dude but who wasn’t from those early days? Life was a bowl of cherries in your belly, rolled up with a figure 4 leg lock, and the dreaded ear yank…”tap tap tap”, I’m done ref! Nothing like the 80’s, until the 90’s, then the 2000’s…wrestling never gets old, it reinvents itself, with more dares, more dings, more acrobatics, more athleticism. With all the aerial tricks, and flying acrobatics it’s a surprise these dudes and dudettes walk away from these matches at all. The Big Apple was ramping up to be an epic show. My takeaway? Huge upsets; (Main Event) Becky Lynch taking down Rousey, and Charlotte Flair, both UFC masters (a Galaxian Guardian) taking “L”’s, one from an old timer, another from a fan favorite, the Demon King making a much anticipated appearance, slaying his opponent….real drama, great characters, mind boggling athleticism…this show is as good as any, and it was nearly 9 hours long! Lest I forget the high wire, trapeze bash in the rafters between Shane McMahon and the Miz – talk about using space, these two teeter tottered, tango’ed, tormented, and tailpsun through the first 30 rows of Met Life, culminating in a 3 story death drop, elbow to the throat double knock out!
This was the first time I had been back to Met Life since the rain bowl where Brett Favre launched his record breaking TD pass to Randy Moss, both Vikings at the time. I spent the better part of an hr at the Club house sushi bowl chasing Nigiri delights with a deluge of tequila – east meets west. I was lucky this time; Met Life was dry as a bone, but good to see that ole sushi bar again.
I get WWE, the whole thing. Larger than life characters, with super human strength, flying, floating, speeding, racing, thwacking, cracking, and spinning opponents around the ring like the tea cups at Disneyland, “spin, spin, spin, puke, beat down.” Tap, tap, tap, out, I’m done Ref. Kind of a live action Avenger’s stage play. Badassery, and kudos for those flying, leaping, lunging dirvishing whirlers, heroes on foot, villains on the lurk, the stage, 20’ x 20’, contained chaos (except for the Miz and Shane McMahaon – that was chaos on a bumblebee’s wings). As tight as a live action super hero stage play can get, that’s you my darling ingénue, meaning WWE, you see!
Bravo WWE, thank you for the superb show! You have to drink it in to know it, and hopefully, the WWE Action Vinyls are a testament to our fanship, and love for this crazy, kooky, heroic brand of super hero misfits and conspirators. If you’re wondering, check out www.entertainmentearth.com, and www.amazon.com/theloyalsubjects for availability! They got em! Sit at home, aim, click, checkout, maybe a Club 28 will show up on your front porch!
See you next year at another Wrestlemania in a town near you!